Library Service Blog

Wellbeing Wednesday - J is for Jealousy

Welcome to Wellbeing Wednesday in the Library! Each Wednesday, we will blogging about different aspects of wellbeing and connecting you with books or web-based information to help support your wellbeing. This week we are blogging about jealousy and social comparison.

Why do we constantly compare ourselves to others?
Comparisons are a normal part of our makeup and can be good for our self-esteem and self-improvement. For example, we can get information about what we want, where we want to be and how we might want to look. However, there is a downside to this. Constantly comparing yourself to others can impact negatively on your motivation and you can experience deep dissatisfaction, guilt, remorse, lying, jealousy, and other destructive behaviours.

Theodore Roosevelt called comparison “the thief of joy” as comparison and jealousy can promote judgemental, biased behaviours and overly competitive and superior attitudes.

Why not consider this approach?
It’s better to shift your outlook to setting and achieving your own personal goals. There is no issue in striving for excellence but it does not have to mean beating other people all the time. It can be about exceeding your own goals. Athletes are notable examples of people who set personal records.

Let us take running for example, as I have run a few half marathons myself after starting out at 5k. Once you have run your first race and gotten your finishing time you now have a personal record (PR). This is your best time in your 5k. So, if you ran 29:15 in the 5k distance, log it, and the next 5k you run, you try to beat that and aim for 28:45. You will have a new PR for that distance.

Comparison then becomes me to me and not me to you.
If we gauge our performance on how we stack up against others constantly and determine our social and personal worth by our peer groups this can become debilitating, increase anxiety, and cause stress. Society constantly reinforces the use of social comparisons and jealousy. In education students are pitted against each other and from an early age children are determined by who are “gifted and talented” and who are not. They are ranked by academic performance and athletic abilities. This need to compare ourselves is so woven into our way of being that we can no longer hear the anxiety it induces as we ask ourselves if we are good enough.

The growth of social media has ignited our tendency to evaluate ourselves in an arena where people engage in an endless stream of social comparison with the scroll of a finger. It is deeply and inescapably human to long for inclusion and that sense of belonging, to be as good as everyone else, if not better.

Give yourself a break and believe that you are good enough.
You might not be at the top of the class, or employee of the month but you are spectacular in lots of other ways and definitely good enough in most areas of your life. If ever there was a time to stop beating yourself up for, being you, it is now!

Here are a few resources for you to explore around jealousy and social comparison.

• Smith. Julie. (2022). Why has nobody told me this before?
• Winfrey. Oprah. (2022). What happened to you? : conversations on trauma, resilience and healing.
• Al-Ghani. K. I. (2017). The Green-Eyed Goblin : what to do about jealousy : for all children including those on the autism spectrum.
• Leahy. P. (2018). The jealousy cure : learn to trust, overcome possessiveness & save your relationship.
• Find out more about self-esteem and how to boost your confidence with this really handy article from the Student Wellbeing team: Self esteem.

Our wellbeing levels can differ at different times, and it is OK to ask for support. Each of us may prefer to get support in different ways. Reading or researching around an issue, connecting with a group whether it be in person on online or speaking on a one to basis with a trusted ally. Find out more about Student wellbeing, support and activities.